Wendee was a young wife, an active mother of four small kids, and an avid marathon runner when she started getting extreme headaches that she couldn’t explain. As these headaches continued to grow and intensify she discovered that her very life was in the balance and about to change forever.
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Below is a full transcript of this episode:
Scott Brandley
Hi, everyone. I’m Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley
And I’m Alisha Coakley, every member of the Church has a story to share one that can instill faith, invite growth, and inspire others.
Scott Brandley
On today’s episode, we’re going to hear how the scare of a lifetime showed one woman that Heavenly Father is in every aspect of our lives. And when we put our trust in Him, everything will work for our good. Welcome to Latter Day lights.
Everyone, thank you so much for being here for another edition of Latter Day lights. We’re so glad you could be here with us. And we’re so glad to have Wendee Valentine with us today. Wendee, how are you doing today?
Wendee Valentine
Nervous but, good.
Scott Brandley
Awesome!
No need to be nervous, we don’t bite that hard.
Alisha Coakley
No, we’re really happy to have you and I have to tell it. Okay, I, I really want I want to tell everybody what happened when I introduced or when I asked you to be on the show. Do you remember? No, it was like, okay, it was like, and I’m pretty sure it was you. So if it wasn’t you, then we’re just going to nix this whole thing and then just start over. But
So I so we were in our little group we met at the LDS PMA, which guys, if you are into any type of writing, or movie producing, or music or anything like that, and you you want to learn and grow in our culture and in our in the gospel and all that kind of stuff, like go to the LDS community, because it’s so cool. So we’re in this little group, and you you told me about the story and stuff like that, that you’re going to share. And you told me about your husband’s story which spoiler we’re gonna have him on, hopefully in the in the near future. And then it was so incredible. I was like, Oh, my gosh, and I was like, so listen, I have a podcast. And I always say I Scott says I but it’s really we right. So like, I have a podcast. And I would love if you and your husband would want to come on and like share those stories and stuff like that. And you’re like, Oh, sure, sure. What’s the name of your podcast? And I’m like, oh, yeah, Latter Day lights. And you were like, Oh, wait, are you her?
I was like, gasp, do you know my podcast?! Oh my gosh, I was so excited. I was like, I felt like a celebrity. For a second. It was like this moment of like, “what!” it was so exciting. I’m pretty sure that was you, right?
Wendee Valentine
Yeah, I did fangirl just a little bit, just a little bit.
Alisha Coakley
I was like, “Oh my gosh, someone who doesn’t know me, knows me!”
Funny thing, but anyway, it just made me so happy. And I don’t think I stopped smiling for like hours after that. And so I’m so excited for you to be on here. And you know, like, I don’t know just to like feel that excitement. So anyway, thank you for listening to Latter-day Lights and then for agreeing to be a guest and for getting another guest on a show like we We totally got to get you a good Christmas gift.
Wendee Valentine
Lavender soap, so for after this is over, so I can relax.
Alisha Coakley
Sounds Good.
Scott Brandley
Good, awesome. Well, Wendy, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself.
Wendee Valentine
So okay, the nutshell is I’m a mom of 26 years, been married. Well, Mama 25 years married for 26 I got four kids. I’ve been a stay at home homeschooling mom for a very, very long time and I’m eeking my last son out his last two years and then I’ve done! Yay!
I’ve been marathon runner for as long as I’ve been married and done half marathons and marathons. I can’t count them all. And I’m an aspiring writer. That’s me.
Scott Brandley
I thought you said you had 26 kids!
Alisha Coakley
Right!? That’s exactly what I thought, like, “Wait, 26 kids!?”
Wendee Valentine
Sometimes it feels like it! None of them are neurotypical so sometimes it feels like 26 kids so I may have
Alisha Coakley
Too funny Awesome, well, windy we would love to have you share your story with us today. So why don’t you take us to like the beginning where did it all start?
Wendee Valentine
Okay, so we have to go actually back a little bit before the this all started which was conference before this began in it so it would be 2000 I think it was the 2008 October conference. You guys would have to check it for me to be sure. And Elder Eyring gave a talk called “Oh, remember, remember.” And in that talk he talked about one day realizing that his children needed to be able to see that he saw the hand of the Lord in his life all the time. And so he started keeping a journal of just all the big and little things that he saw everyday ways that the Savior and Heavenly Father touched his life. And for whatever reason, I mean, I love conference anyway. But for whatever reason, that particular talk just stuck in me so deeply that that night I started, and I just journaled every night. This every night, I just wrote down. Oh, yeah, this happened. This was the hand of the Lord. This happened. This was the hand of the Lord. And sometimes it was little things like, Heavenly Father told me to say hi to this person. And I did. And then it was a great conversation. And sometimes it was bigger things, but it just was a little bit every day. And this went on from that conference until June. And then afterwards, right. But in June, a friend of mine, passed away.
He was at the post office, and he just was standing in line. And then he passed out, he passed out and died right there, right in the post. We were heartbroken. He was in our ward, and he’s a good friend of ours and just passed away. And we were shocked at that.
About a month later, at about the end of July, I started realizing that I’d had a headache, just like behind my eye, like it felt like somebody with a hot fire poker was poking my eye trying to put my eyeball out. And that just been there for a while and couldn’t think how long has this been here, but it’s been here for a while. And I started wondering if maybe I was just feeling a little tension and stress because it was time for the kids to go back to school.
But you know, then it started started getting more noticeable, and it was going longer and longer. And by August, it had been 24/7 for weeks. And it was getting worse and hurting more. And about the middle of August, I was laying on the couch trying to sleep while the kids were playing. So that I could try and sleep off this pain. And the TV was playing in the background. And I fell asleep to some random television show.
And while I was sleeping, I heard a voice say sometimes a headache is not a headache, and you need to go see the doctor. And it just jolted me straightaway, and I looked up and it was one of those like, diagnosis MD shows. Something like that. Yeah. That was it was just funny. And I was like, Oh, that’s funny, but maybe I should do something. So right, It just felt you know, in my soul, it felt like that was more than just an odd coincidence.
Like a phone call. So I called the doctor that was a friend of ours and went to see him. And he said, You know, it’s probably migraines or a tension headache. Here’s this medicine. It’ll help things flow better in your you know, in your in your blood vessels, and maybe your headache will go away. I got home and I thought you know what I’m hurting so bad. I’m gonna take one right now. And I popped open the cap and went to take one and just felt really, really strongly, “Don’t take that.” It was weird. And so I said, “Okay.” so I didn’t take it and I set it aside. And then I felt like, “Call for a second opinion.” So I called another friend of ours, and who’s a general practitioner up here and said, “Hey, can I just come in and see I’ve seen a couple doctors, one of them thought it was just depression and one of them thought it was girl things. This guy says that it just a tension headaches and gave me something but I just feel maybe I needed another opinion. So I came in to see him. And he went through the different types of headaches. And I kept shaking my head like no, that’s not it. No, that’s not what you said. Yeah. After everything you’ve told me and everything we’ve discussed. This doesn’t sound like anything that I’m aware of. So let’s go get an MRI.
And so I did. And while I was at the MRI, when I got done with the MRI, the radiologist when I got done, you know, they’re not supposed to say anything, you know, because they have to read it and converse with the doctor and whatever. And as I got done and was coming out of the little machine, she said, “You just take care of yourself and just know everything’s gonna be okay.” And she had this look on her face and I was like, “Oh, i’m a little bit nervous now okay.” I came back a few days later and said, “Hey, doc how is it”. I said, What do you what do we find out?”
He says, “You know, our mutual friend in the ward, so and so, back in June.” and I said, “Yeah.” “Do you know what he died from?” And I said, “yeah, it didn’t his aneurysm didn’t have an aneurysm and a burst. And he said, “Yeah.”
And then it was quiet for a second. And I went, “Is that what this is?” And he said, “Yeah, you have an aneurysm. And it’s about the size of a pencil eraser. And so I don’t know how long it’s been there. But the fact that you’ve been having pain since July, and it’s getting worse makes me think it’s growing. So I think you need to go and see a neurosurgeon and see if they what they think needs to be done. And maybe nothing, maybe nothing needs to be done. Sometimes they just watch them, sometimes they just coil it, sometimes they clip it, there are all these different things that can be done. So I’m going to send you there.”
Well, I got out of that meeting out of that appointment. And I was fine. When I was talking to him. It’s a little shaken. Chuckling you guys, when we were talking a minute ago, I kind of laugh things off and try and keep things light and I was finalizing the appointment. And I got out to the car, and I just felt this overwhelming fear. It just wrecked me. I started to cry. And so then I said a prayer. And I said, “Heavenly Father, you know, so and so. And what happened to him. Is that what’s going to happen to me, you know, what am I supposed to do?” And Heavenly Father said, “You know, what, call your dad.” My husband was work, so I couldn’t call him and Heavenly Father said, “Just call your dad and go get a blessing.” And so I called my dad right away and said, “Hey, can I come up?” And then I call my husband and let him know, this is what they found. And this is what needs to happen next”,
I went up and got a blessing. In the blessing, I was told “This is gonna be hard. And it’s going to be painful. And, it’s going to be amazing.”
Alisha Coakley
Really?
Wendee Valentine
Yeah.
So we laughed that off because we’re those kind of people we just started making really, you know, gallows humor jokes. So, I went to, it took a month from that appointment it took another month so middle of September, I finally got into see a neurosurgeon at the EU.
And he took a look at in that time, I also had an angiogram, so between that first doctor’s appointment, and the neurosurgeon in that month, I had an MRI and then I had an angiogram. And so we they were able to see that this was growing very quickly. And this whole time, the headache was just getting worse. It was 24/7. And it was constant pain. That did nothing, nothing would touch it. And so and I’ve got you know, my oldest was 11 at the time, and my youngest was 2. I was a stay at home mom, so I was dealing with severe pain. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a migraine, try having a migraine for three months.
That’s a good way to put it right. Or if you have aches or something that’s what it was like. And so I went to the neurosurgeon, my husband and I went and he said, “You know, this is growing really fast and at your age, we like to do something about this, but it’s sitting on your carotid artery right behind your optical nerve. And so this is not something that – and the so an aneurysm if you don’t know, it’s like you’ve got these blood vessels, and sometimes the wall of the blood vessel gets weak. And when it gets weak for there lots of different reasons why that can happen. But when it gets weak, it can start the wall can start growing like a balloon is what happens. And that’s what an aneurysm looks like is it looks like a balloon jumping off of the side of a blood vessel. And this was coming off of my carotid artery. – So when he saw the one and the angiogram that had come a little bit later, he said “it’s growing very fast, and the neck is wide. And because it’s a wide neck, instead of a skinny neck like a balloon, it’s a wide neck. We can’t go in through an artery and put a coil in there and close it up. So the only thing that can be done is craniotomy which is going to cut your skull open and drill it we’re gonna drill a hole, take out some of your skull, dig around in there and put a clip on this berry”. And we kind of felt we were in shock. You know, made the jokes like “So you’re saying it’s all in my head.”
All these kinds of things, and he looked me right in the eye and said, This is not funny. A craniotomy at this point in time a craniotomy has a 50/50 chance of survival. And that’s if the aneurysm doesn’t burst.
Alisha Coakley
Oh my gosh,
Wendee Valentine
Yeah, it was, it was, there was a, it was a 50/50 hope, at that point. But I’d had that blessing and heavenly father had said, “You’re gonna be okay.” And, I thought a lot about that, because we had had some other family experiences before this, that it made us become both my husband and I become very aware that the worlds idea of “it’ll be okay”. And Heavenly Father’s idea of “it’ll be okay”, are two vastly different things.
And so, I wrote letters to my kids.
In case I wasn’t gonna be there, because he kind of made it sound like that was a huge possibility. Either that I wouldn’t, I would not live, or that I would be incapacitated following this enough that I wouldn’t be able to Mother them the way I wanted to. And my kids and my husband are, they’re my life, they’re everything. So I thought it was very important that I let them know what they needed to know. So I wrote letters to them.
The surgeon said, “This is very serious, 50% chance of survival. If the aneurysm doesn’t burst, it goes down to about a 20% chance of survival with lots of brain damage, if it does. And by the way, I’m going out of town. So I’ll see you at the end of October for your surgery.”
So he gives me this possible death sentence, and then tells me I have to wait a month and a half, before I get the craniotomy. So that was a little scary.
I and I went back and started looking at my journal. And every time I would feel fear, I would remember, I remembered those journal entries. And the incredible little teeny details that happened every minute of every day. You know, for four months, for like nine months, I’ve been told over and over and over again, “I’m here. And I’m I’m in charge and I’m taking care of everything”. And I’ve seen that consistently day by day by day for a year. Andso I was able to just keep pushing forward.
The pain was so severe that I was taking oxy and muscle relaxants 24/7. Full Disclosure I’m I’m an addictive personality, and so that was a constant struggle.
Alisha Coakley
Aww
Wendee Valentine
The pain medication didn’t do anything it didn’t. It didn’t stop any pain at all. Because this is a nerve kind of thing. But what would happen is I would take the Oxy and then all my all the troubles just melt away, you know, we’ll have to worry about it anymore. I like to think about it anymore. But I had these little kids at home. So I had to learn how to juggle pain management and drug use and pain and, and being a mother all at the same time. And there were a lot of prayers with heavenly father just saying, “Hey, I helped me through this day. What can I do today to stay cognizant of everything that’s going on, be aware of my kids”, you know, and one of the things that Heavenly Father said was “Take notes because this little boy, this little two year old he’s only going to be to for a little bit and then he’s going to grow and so you don’t take notes because you’re going to want to remember” and I thought that was a strange thing but I started writing down “This is the last time that I will do this and I did this with Jake today and I did this with Jake today and it’s the last time I’ll do this” because it’s my baby right.
That ended up being a huge blessing. But anyway, so um, so end of October came along, and I had been dealing with this pain, there’s no way to really explain.
I wish there were a way to explain chronic pain.
If I say to you, “it was 24/7 pain”, that’s easy to shrug off. Invisible, is that way and chronic pain of this sort. It’s completely debilitating. It’s hard to think it’s hard to process. It’s hard to stay positive. It’s hard to live, you know? Yeah. And to Heavenly Father I would just keep saying “hey help me through this, help me through this.
Well, the day came and went in for the surgery, it was 12 hours. And when I came out of the surgery to I felt great two days later, the only thing that hurt were the 30 staples in my head.
Alisha Coakley
Oh gosh, wow.
Wendee Valentine
Better! I felt so much better. And I was thrilled. And four days later a new headache started. And it was in a different place whose All right here. It’s all right here.
And the doctor was like, There’s nothing there. There’s no reason that you would hurt. I’m like, well, there was a hole there. You can still feel where the where you took my skull out. So there is something there. “Yeah, you know, the craniotomies don’t cause pain”. No, like, “okay, so it’s all in my head”. He’s like, “Don’t worry about it, it’ll go away. It’s no big deal”.
A month, and two months, and six months, and a year. And now 12 years, I had nerve damage. And they didn’t know, they didn’t realize that the in the process of the craniotomy he had clipped some nerves, and it had caused nerve damage. And now they know all these years later, they know that that’s something that actually happens in craniotomies, they didn’t realize that was a thing.
So I have been in pain ever since. So yeah.
So the other thing, going back to that little thing about my little boy was when they mess with your brain, and just a lot of fun things, and so memory loss is a thing. And I ended up with, it’s kind of like, ADD symptoms. I’m a lot more like my kids than I used to be. And those are all part of the process of the craniotomy and what they did with the with that surgery. And so memories were messed with for quite a bit. And the fact that Heavenly Father told me to take those notes has been a huge boon to me, because I can go back and remember what I can’t remember about ,y kids during that whole period of time. So,
Alisha Coakley
You know, I love that Wendy? Um, I don’t know, I don’t know if you heard that one of our first episodes that we did, where I talked about my diagnosis of leukemia. But I had three little kids too, and, and some of the things that you were saying, like, they just resonated so much to me, you know, I remember having that moment where I’m like, Okay, I need to write letters to my kids for every single one of their birthdays, for their graduation, for their missions for their marriage for their first babies, you know, like, like, I kept thinking of all these events that I may not be there for. And I remember thinking, Okay, I want to I want to set this up, I want to make sure that you know, my wedding dress can be taken apart and can be made into a baptism dress for my daughter, and can be made into like, boutonnieres that my boys can wear to prom or to their weddings, or whatever, you know, and
It was funny because I had this weird dichotomy where I clung so hard on to Heavenly Father, but I was so mad at him.
Wendee Valentine
Oh,
Alisha Coakley
It this, it was like this weird thing. So I have to ask you, how was that for you? I mean, you obviously prayed to Him all the time. And you’re, you know, getting this inspiration from him. But did you feel angry at him?
Wendee Valentine
Um, no that this has been… I don’t I think it’s probably this is a long line of a very strange Wendee life.
I’ve had a lot of traumatic issues and traumatic experiences. I’ve had chronic depression since, general generalized depression since I was 19. And so I learned from a very, very, very young age that it’s useless to be mad at Heavenly Father for me, I and everybody processes trauma and things differently. But I, you know, I remember very, very early on Heavenly Father… How do I put this? Not to be mad at Heavenly Father, because He knows what he’s doing better than I ever would. And, and that I can trust him. And I had, I have had so many times in my life where I couldn’t trust people for various reasons, but I have always been able to trust Heavenly Father, and things don’t ever turn out the way I expect them to. But things always turn out. And so I have never been angry, I never felt angry, I felt fear. And when I felt fear, that the amazing thing is, every time I’ve ever felt fear in my life, or depression, when I get down into that deep, deep hole, I go back to Heavenly Father, because he’s the only one who can help me out. So,
Alisha Coakley
Was the fear you felt fear for yourself? Or was it more of like a fear of like, like, how this happening to you was going to affect your family? Like, for example, my, my fear wasn’t a fear of dying, because I would be, you know, because I had to go through dying or death, it was a fear of leaving my kids without me. Does that make sense? So how, what was your fear? Was it more for you? Or was it kind of for like everybody else around you, and how that was gonna affect their lives?
Wendee Valentine
I’m human. And so a little bit for me, because, you know, dying is a it’s a huge, that’s a huge thought to, you know, find yourself at 36 thinking, Oh, maybe I won’t be 37. You know, is that’s a huge thought. I’m 51. And I kind of wonder is, you know, that would be weird to not be 52. So, you know, it’s, it’s a, we think we’re gonna be here forever. And so to be faced with that was something that feared that was frightening. But you’re for the same as you it was mostly for my kids. Like I said, my kids aren’t neurotypical, or two of them are autistic, and one has ADD. And my third one has brain damage. And so, so I worried about them, and getting them getting through to adulthood. Without me and so that I was worried about that. And I was worried probably most about them not having somebody continually telling them “Heavenly Father’s got this heavenly Father’s got you”. You know, you talked about the things that you wanted to write to them. What I wrote to them was my testimony and made it very specific to each one of them, what I knew about them and their personalities, and what I knew they would need to know about what I know about Heavenly Father and about the gospel. And so those were the things that that made me afraid and pain.
Constant pain is something that is scary. It’s scary to wake up every day and go, “Oh, I have to do this again”. I mean, I just did this this morning. I woke up this morning, and I turned over and looked at my husband and said, “I don’t think if I could I don’t think I can today”. “Yeah I don’t know if I can today”.
But again, it came back to it’s always come back to, “Ok, Heavenly Father, I don’t think I can today, you’re gonna help me through this, how you gonna help me through this today”.
And then there have been lots of miracles. You know, in the time since then, since that, since the craniotomy I was on oxycodone for five years, and then spent two years learning to live without it. Which is hard.
But then an amazing procedure came along. They still don’t really know how it works, called lidocaine infusion, and it kind of goes in and does what you do in your basement when your lights go out kind of reset the breaker. It does that for your nerve center and it’s a it’s a an infusion that you go have done once every month. And I did that for five years and that that gave my life back because it mitigated the pain a bit. Now, I can’t do it anymore. I was kind of a study. I was I wasn’t in a study, but I was one of the very first people to do it. And I did it for five years. And then I started having very strange reactions to it. And one day the doctor said “We can’t do this anymore”. I had a grand mal seizure in the middle of it. Yeah. And so they said “no more. You can’t do this anymore”. And so since then it’s been a year and a couple months now, it’s been a year that I have been completely without any pain medication. And it was terrifying when they said, “You can’t have this anymore”. And I can’t go back on oxy doesn’t do any good. Nothing doesn’t look good.
And it was terrifying. And so there was another prayer and the prayer was, “Okay, how do I do the rest of my life now?” And Heavenly Father didn’t take the pain away. It’s still still there. It’s right now it’s, you know, pretty bad. I’d say seven. But
Heavenly Father taught me to live with it, and to live
and to find joy. One of my favorite scriptures in the Book of Mormon is talking about the Nephites, when they’re really struggling with the Lamanites, I think it’s in second Nephi. They’re really struggling with the Lamanites. And they’re still kind of family at the time. And the Nephites lived after the manner of happiness. And when things get really, really tough for me, I just remember, “Hey, you know what, you may not be happy right now, you may be in that dark hole right now. But you can live after the manner of happiness, you can put on that smile, and you can do the things that bring joy, and let Heavenly Father carry you”. So yeah.
Alisha Coakley
And it’s not to say that you’re lying to yourself, right? It’s truly being grateful for what it is that you have for the fact that you have life. Let’s live right? Even if it’s not perfect or pain free or without struggle, or worry, or whatever else. It’s like the fact that you get an opportunity to because there’s so many, many people who don’t know, right. I love that.
Scott, you can talk now, I’m crying, Wendee’s crying.
Unknown Speaker
Well,
Wendee Valentine
You know, there have been a lot of people. I’ve met a lot of people who have gone through really, really horrible things far worse than what I deal with. And gosh, I lost my train of thought.
Scott Brandley
People that have gone through hard things?
Wendee Valentine
Yeah, but I Sorry, I lost my train.
Alisha Coakley
Oh, you’re good. You’re okay.
Scott Brandley
Okay. So the thing that I guess intrigues me, I’ve, I’ve never had a migraine. I’ve had some pretty bad headaches, I guess. But I can’t I couldn’t imagine having them last for weeks, years
Wendee Valentine
Years. Yeah.
My husband didn’t understand it. And about three years after the surgery one day, he just was like, this needs to be done. Oh, I remembered what the other thing was. But he’s like, You need to be done. Now. I don’t want to hear about the headache anymore. And that was heartbreaking for me because I wasn’t, you know, because it sounded like I was just trying to get out of things weasel out of things or make my life easier by you know, blame everything on the headache. And now the prayers just like my father, he needs to understand because I don’t know how else to explain this. He can’t see it. The scars are gone. You can’t see the big crescent scar or anything. So you know, how did it? He got the flu!
Then when it’s horrible flu, his head was just aching. And I came up and brought him some chicken soup and said “What can I do for you” he said, “Is this way you feel like every day?!”, and he started crying and he was like, “My head hurts so bad. If this is how you always feel, I’m so sorry”. And he’s never complained.
Alisha Coakley
Wow
Wendee Valentine
He got it! He understood.
What I was going to tell you that was people who have these other struggles and things, you know, they, a lot of people have been have said, “How can you you know, try and be happy and you had said something about, you know, putting on a mask or lying to yourself”. I don’t want anyone to get the impression I go around with this big smile on my face all the time.
And I went downstairs and I laid on the couch and I was just done. This is done. It’s like I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know why you let me live. When it’s just going to be like this and I was laying on the couch. And I was just started thinking about the Savior in Gethsemane, and thinking about what I thought, in my mind’s eye,
I could see in my mind’s eye, Christ in that garden, praying, and the blood coming from him as he as our sins, and our agonies and our pain, and our anger and everything, just weighed and pressed on him.
And I could feel I won’t say hear, it wasn’t a voice. But it was a very sure knowledge, that what I am living, he was feeling in that garden. And that because of that, I know, and I can’t ever deny this ever, now that even if everything else is horrible, and I feel alone, I will never be alone, because the Savior bore this with me, and he bears this with me every day. And that has made all the difference for me.
Alisha Coakley
I love that.
Scott Brandley
You mentioned part of that blessing was going to be amazing. How does that tie into the story?
Wendee Valentine
The amazing is the, sorry, words fail me, um, which is funny.
I have no doubt of God, I have no doubt of the Savior. And that’s the amazing, is seeing life, this whole world, the whole everything I see from a very, very different perspective
Because of this, because Heavenly Father has shown me in those minute day by day events, and in the big things that have happened both before this and after this, that God is there, there is a true God. And there is a Jesus Christ. And everything we do is just for this tiny little moment that will bring us eternal joy.
That’s the amazing is the sure testimony that I have that I’ve been granted it’s a gift. It’s a blessing. Heavenly Father gave me this testimony.
Scott Brandley
Well, unique in the sense that because you went through that you probably if you wouldn’t have gone through that you probably wouldn’t have had that perspective, that perspective that you have.
Wendee Valentine
It’s true. It’s true. Or he would have just given me something else.
Alisha Coakley
Yeah, that’s that could have been too. So let me ask you, Andy, how do you feel like this has changed you aside from you know, obviously, you have this testimony and this perspective that you would not have had without going through, you know, this type of hardship and stuff, but what else has changed for you? You know, do you feel like you live life bigger or fuller?
I mean, you’re trying new things, right? Like you said, that you’re, you’re writing, like a you’re an aspiring writer, and you’re coming on a podcast, you know, like, so. So what, what is that done for you as a person?
Wendee Valentine
So actually, it’s kind of been the opposite. For a long time, it was the opposite.
My life slowed down a lot. I had to slow down. I was a very active active person, like I said, you know, I had run 25, 30, 40 marathons before this happened, and I couldn’t run for a very long time And now it’s, I’m just barely, I’m like slogging through when I run now. And it’s a physically my whole world changed.
I became a lot more. I wouldn’t say cerebral. Which is great, because my brain doesn’t always work all the time. But I do a lot more thinking.
I spend a lot more I learned to spend a lot more time with my kids. I was a lot more outgoing. I loved to go out and be with other people, I gained energy from other people. And then after this I couldn’t I went from extrovert from extrovert to introvert in my, my mind, and I can’t, you know,
What you saw at the conference is kind of a, a regeneration of me that’s taken a long time to get to that point. I was a homebody a week, we called me a “shut in” for quite a while because it just, it was either in pain or I was tired, or I just, I just couldn’t people for very long. So, but now that I am getting, I feel like finally finally coming back to life. And, you know, you said, “Are you doing new things? You know, in June,
Heavenly Father said, “You know, you’ve been wanting to write since you were nine, and it’s time” and so and then He just put one thing after another in my way to stepping stones in my way that were miraculous things that have gotten this, this adventure that I’m on going. And so yeah, the book is a thing. So,
Alisha Coakley
Sounds awesome, and do you have a title for your book yet?
Wendee Valentine
So the one that is, it’s in second edit right now is called “Some of the Best Times”. And it’s an inside joke in our, in our family, my dad, everything is some of the best times. So we that’s the working title on that. And then the second book is the one that is about my husband’s experience. And we’re in outlining stage for that one. So,
Alisha Coakley
Awesome. That’s very cool.
Scott Brandley
Did you write both of them?
Wendee Valentine
Yes.
Scott Brandley
It is the first one about your experience?
Wendee Valentine
I’m
The first one is actually it’s a fictional romance. But there are elements of this experience involved in it. Yes.
Alisha Coakley
Awesome
Wendee Valentine
Because they say write what you know, so I wrote it.
Alisha Coakley
Right.
Wendee Valentine
So yeah.
Alisha Coakley
Very cool. That’s super exciting. Well, I, I just love that you were willing to come on here, and you’re sharing, you know, willing willing to share this story with us.
It’s so interesting, because I, I do this a lot where like, I’ll compare my experience to other people who have been through something big and, you know, life changing. And, and I love seeing, like, both the similarities and the differences, you know, like how you were saying, you kind of came in, right? Like, you kind of like, got rid of all of the extra fluff, and you just really focus on like, your kids and your family and, and just like, your thought process and everything like that, in me, I changed the exact opposite way, you know, I was like, all about staying home and being a stay at home mom, and I still love being with my kids and hanging out with them. But at the same time, I’ve kind of, I’m like, I’m just gonna, I want I want the whole world right to to be able to learn the things that I’ve learned and to know the things that I know now. And, and so I’ve had this like, big, huge desire to step out of my comfort zone. And to know that like I can, I can live differently. And I love that, like we’re both on our paths, right? Like your path doesn’t have to be the same as my path, even though we went through something kind of similar with, with our health scares and stuff like that. And they’re still just as important. You know, I just think that’s awesome.
Wendee Valentine
So I wanted to be that way, it physically was not possible for me to be. I think Heavenly Father just was like, you know, “Just hang on, hang on for these 12 years, I’ll get you to the point where you can go out and shout it to the rooftops” That I’ve been holding pattern. So,
Alisha Coakley
That’s awesome. But I really do love that you you started writing down little pieces of goodness before this even happened. And then while it was happening, you still happening, you still continued to write something. I used to be great at journaling. Like I used to love it. And then I remember one day, oh my gosh, I saw I had a rough go in my marriage for a while there. And I remember being really mad at my husband for something, we got into a big argument. And I’m just scribbling all of the evil things that he did and how he’s just so mean to me. And you know, just I mean, whatever. Like, I’m just being a girl and, and I stopped literally mid sentence and I had this feeling come over me that if I were to die, and my kids were to get a hold of my diaries, my journals, and my only writing in there when I’m like upset? And I really was for years like I didn’t go in there and write how great everything was. I didn’t write in my testimony. I didn’t write all this inspirational stuff. It was just like, this was my venting book.
Right and I stopped and I, I swear to goodness, I did not pick up that journal again for like 10 years. Isn’t that crazy? But you know what I did, I picked up Facebook. And instead, Facebook has become my source now. But I try really, really hard. So hard, to find the silver lining and then to find the good in things because I just keep thinking like if I leave this world unexpectedly, or even expectedly, whatever, right? Whenever I leave this world if my kids have access to that, like, I want them to know who their Heavenly Father was, I want them to know how much they were loved both by me and my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. And I want them to know that, like, life is always going to be more beautiful than it is ugly. Always. Yeah, you know. So, anyway, I’m done.
Wendee Valentine
This is true. And, you know, I think it’s important that, you know, the journaling thing. I loved that he said that because I was I I’ve been an avid writer and journaler, forever. But what that did for me was that added that even to the bad days, you know, I had horrible day, I’m mad at the world, things are horrible. Oh, and Heavenly Father was still there. And this still happened. So yeah,
Unknown Speaker
man.
Scott Brandley
That’s awesome. Well, Wendy, it’s been awesome. Do you have any last thoughts you’d like to share before we wrap things up?
Wendee Valentine
Um, you know, it just comes back. For me, everything always comes back to
And if we trust in Heavenly Father, He’ll show us what the purpose is. And then he’ll bring us home safely. And so if we can trust in Heavenly Father will have joy in the journey. And we will, everything will be amazing.
Alisha Coakley
I love that.
Scott Brandley
Awesome.
Alisha Coakley
Very true. Well, Wendy, thank you so much for joining us and for being a guest. And thank you to all of our listeners, for jumping on and for sharing this story with us today with Wendee and stuff. Guys, just as a, just as a reminder, your story doesn’t have to be the exact same as Wendee’s, right? Like, there are so many experiences that we’ve had in our lives, that can truly be used for good, they, there are so many different ways that you can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others. And Scott and I really want to just invite you guys to reach out to us to let us know if you have a story that you’d like to share. Because the world needs to hear more of the good, then the world really does need to see more of that hope and that beauty and that purpose in all of our pain. Right? So if you guys have enjoyed this episode, please be sure to like, comment and share. And like I said, go ahead and reach out to Scott and I because we would love to have you guys on as a guest.
Scott Brandley
Yeah, I love the different perspectives, we get Alicia on the show. And when he, I mean just your your story about how you constantly struggle with pain, but you still look for the good. That’s very inspiring.
Wendee Valentine
Thank you
Scott Brandley
and, you know, for our listeners out there. Know if you do have a story like this and you’d like to share it go to LatterDayLights.com And, and write us and tell us about it on the show. So that’s it.
Wendee Valentine
Okay
Scott Brandley
Not too hard, right?
Wendee Valentine
No, It’s great. Go do it.
Alisha Coakley
Exactly. not scary at all.
Scott Brandley
Okay, well till next week. We will hope you have a great week and we’ll talk to you then.